Which boob wrote this:

Nonsensical ravings: A list of generally humorous non-sequiturs that have run through my mind

 

Oh the things on etsy. Search around -- it comes in lots of variations.

In the few weeks after surgery, Anna and I each jotted down some odd thoughts, mostly non-sequiturs in no particular order. We thought we would share. Yes, I had way too much fun trolling around etsy finding images for this post.

Kris

Truth.

  • They send you home from surgery telling you to take laxatives so you don't push or strain while pooping because of the incisions.  Fine. But you don't think about asking about sneezing until it's way too late.
  • Fuck. (this one, or the variant what the fuck, crossed my mind a lot of times, fwiw, from the initial call to come back in for more analysis, to get a biopsy!, to you have cancer!, to get ANOTHER biopsy!, to you have another cancer!, to finally choose your surgery!)
  • You think that everyone will look at you so differently. Acquaintances who do not know what's been happening have NOT noticed. Sample size is small, but I have spent considerable time chatting  with a few acquaintances with in the past two weeks. None have noticed. None. People don't pay as much attention to you as you think. Relax.
  • People who meet me now for the first time will never know this isn't how I always looked.
  • Tamoxifen makes my memory blotchy and I forget things.
  • Tamoxifen makes my memory blotchy and I forget things.
  • My clothes fit really differently now.
  • Perfect card. Her whole shop is magic.
    Still reaching for a bra each the morning.
  • Treasure sleeping on your side while you can.
  • Yeah, I really need to be more thoughtful about search terms when finding images for this blog.
  • BIONIC BOOBS
  • More people have seen my top half naked in the last two months than in the rest of my life combined.
  • It's weird being held together by glue.
  • My hip still friggin hurts.
  • (Looks longingly at booze shelf): I miss you.
  • Telling someone that the max they should lift is a gallon of milk after removing their breasts is the kind of humor I can get behind.
  • One nice thing about the cancer appointments is that NO ONE wears perfume.
  • Holy shit I'll be able to wear any shirt I want off the rack. Instagram seems to be positive that I want jumpsuits though.
  • All the composers I know and STILL no one has written me my toxic avenger/titanium/radioactive boob theme song yet. Sigh.
  • Nipples. Notples?
  • I have friends who get my tumor tissue for me, and friends I can text and ask "do you want to see my tumor?" because I am confident their answer will be an emphatic yes. I must have done something right.

Anna
  • Boobs are just boobs. They have no influence on the character of the person they are attached to. Seeing Kris for the first time without them was just like seeing Kris for the past 3,000 times with them. I don't know what I was expecting?
  • Throwback
    Cancer is big and scary and it helps to fight the big and scary with mighty swords of humor when appropriate (but only when appropriate, which it is sometimes not)
  • I guess we really are at that age in life where regular health checks, mammograms, pap smears etc are wildly important and potentially life saving. Dangit this time wasn't supposed to ever come!
  • Life is weird in that you can walk into a doctor's office to find out why your hip is in so much pain and walk out without your boobs. I mean there was a lot that happened in the in between, but still.
  • As a member of the peripheral support team, you want to do more than you are capable of. You want to make the cancer go away and make the appointments happen faster and make the biopsies come back benign. You might feel stressed at your level of powerlessness, and then you realize that the most important role you can play is just to be there as you're able and when necessary. 
  • Knowing someone close to you who has cancer will make you think about cancer a lot. And it will make you, or at least me, think of all of the weird cancer puns. Like right now, I can't get the sentence "cancer? No you can't, sir" out of my mind. 
  • Why did my brain think you could only have one type of cancer at a time? Like cancer would take turns happening in your body. The cells would be communicating with each other who was up to go batshit next.
  • Damn, Kris has a ton of supportive humans around her. That's so, so awesome.