Which boob wrote this:

I Am Learning About Cancer and So Can You! Pt 3

On this week's episode of IALACASCY (wow that really works as an Acronym),we are going in a slightly different, one topic direction. I felt the need to write this post after Kris mentioned today how exhausting it has become to answer continuous questions of how she's feeling. She has had to both process this and help others process it as well, and that can become wearing. There is much uncertainty on her end of whether to say anything, because she's so, so grateful to everyone who takes the time to reach out. This post is an effort to draw a loving, friendly boundary of communication.

But first, a little about me. I am an empathetic person who has a really, really hard time when my friends are having a hard time. I get big anxiety if I think someone is mad at me, I feel a need to solve problems that aren't mine, I want to check in profusely with people who are feeling sad even if the thing they need is space (please don't get too attracted to me, guys, I am married).

One BIG thing I have learned in Kris' journey with the big C, is that all of the above need not apply. Remember the last 30 times we mentioned in this blog how unique each type of cancer is? Well, hold onto your pants, but each person dealing with cancer is 1000 times more unique and interesting than the cancer itself. Kris is a pragmatic realist with a healthy dose of emotion where it counts. She is aware that something is wrong within her body (only because she hurt her hip, not because she felt sick, and she still doesn't feel sick), and she is undergoing the necessary treatment to get rid of that thing that's wrong. Kris' identity is not a person with cancer.. her identity is Kris, and she just happens to have cancer right now but she didn't for most of her life and she hopefully will not have it ever again in a short while moving forward.

So what does this all mean? Continue to interact with Kris as you always have. Absolutely step in as a supportive friend to do the practical things that can help (offer to clean house post-surgery, cook a meal, or anything that might help her through recovery time). But do not treat her as though she is a sick person who feels sick. Treat her as Kris! Maybe mellow out on the "how are you" 's and the concerning looks. She is at peace with what is happening and the next steps.

I cannot say this is how it will be for anyone else in your life who may run into similar circumstances (though I hope that number is no more than zero), but that is the point of this blog post. All cancer is different, all people with cancer are different. There is no generic cancer patient.

Kris loves you all and I am sure that I would love you all as well if I met you. You are good people and none of the above is meant to make you feel bad. Heck, I'm definitely guilty of forgetting what I'm saying here (mind jumps to the day I babbled Kris' head off with weird stories and emotions and because I felt sad and at a loss of what to do and she had to tell me that she isn't dying in a SNAP OUT OF IT WOMAN, kind of way.. never again).

Anyway. That's all - until next time!