Gratitude: If you're reading this, you're the tits.
Just a post to explicitly share gratitude, in no particular order. I can't name everyone because people have been incredible and supportive and I have never felt as loved or as supported as I do now. I'm not an optimist by nature, but holy shit am I in a place of privilege with all of you behind me, so I want to put this out there very clearly. If you are taking the time to read this blog: thank you. You rock. If you've sent me messages of support, thank you. And explicitly...a few people...
- To Stephen, who is going through this with me, and being amazing. I was dumped by a boyfriend once for being "pragmatic to a fault." Stephen is definitely a better fit for me (god, for so many reasons)
- To Anna. For every reason. For this blog. For being the person who listens every damn day. For always offering a call or suggesting we meet up for a random training session or a game of add on or offering to jump in to action and make calls to get me an appointment or anything at all. For taking time to write this with me, for learning with me, for the photo series we are working on...She has been everything. I could write a whole damn post just about her, but it would make her cry.
- To my momma who listens and helps me keep this in perspective.
- To my brother who immediately offered to fly here and help post-op.
- To everyone who keeps checking in, and to everyone who gives me the space to not answer, or not answer every question. Never have I ever received so many messages with the statement "feel free not to reply" and I take that to heart when I don't have the energy.
- To Laura, who has been through all of this and more and has been a sounding board almost daily. I don't know how we were brought together, but I don't know how I'd navigate this without you. Also for all the pajamas. One can never have enough pajamas.
- To Sarah, who never, ever sugarcoats, and who also has been through this and more, and is so willing to share.
- To Catalina, for naming this blog, and for taking on so much extra work while I'm dealing with this.
- To Stephen, Anna, and Laura, who all remind me "Tits up" before I walk into a hard appointment.
- To Alec who has shared so many experiences with me and who I have come to rely on more than I ever thought I could, and has offered me so many things. I love you, and holy shit I am happy to know you.
- To Matt who continues to check in and be his inappropriate self and make me laugh. No more boob hugs unless I get my song, in boob flat major surgery, dammit. Best hurry, love, time is running out.
- To Kelly for making me custom art for this blog! But also for teaching me, photobombing me, painting my puppers, making me laugh, everything.
- To the KNAK. Training, dorking around, stupid dances, stupid texts, everything.
- To Nathaniel for getting my abs in gear, my meathooks almost one-handed (at least on one side), for being a snob with me when it counts (grammar! hyphens!). When I am back in the air, I expect my meathooks to surpass yours, bitch. You'll still have a better flare. Tits up, BUTT UP.
- To Beck. For making me go to the doctor, for bringing me Clyde because someone needs to pee in my kitchen, for the most amazing humor, and the occasional penis drawn on my leg, and for stabbing me in the back and, well, everywhere else.
- To the friends I've made at TAH. Aerial has been my escape and I will be back soon.
- To the friends who say stupid things to me because they care enough to say something but don't know what to say and it comes out dumb. I got you, and I am grateful you are trying. I don't know what to say a lot of the time, too.
- To the friends who say stupid things intentionally because they have that sort of humor and know I do too (I'm looking at you, Rhys).
- To the friends who make time for me (even on tour. Again, looking at you, Rhys).
- To the friends who offer to let me scream into the void, freak out, or otherwise expressly give me permission to react to this however I need to.
- To my team members who have faced this impeccably, as just one more obstacle we didn't see coming. I guess it's just another aspect of the parts shortage. I'm just a part...I'll be back in stock soon.
- To Qufam, for everything for the past 2+ years especially, but also for everything you're doing to help with this crap.
- To Neha, who has zero problem asking the hard and sometimes ridiculous questions while everyone tiptoes around.
- To everyone who has treated me as a normal human through this, not "the one with cancer."
- To my Careola Team, who will never see this (with a special shout out to my surgeon who is the main person I've interacted with so far) who has been thorough and awesome. My surgeon is the tits. Which is to say, the awesomest.
- To everyone who is offering help, even if they don't know what that means or what that looks like. I don't either. But the sentiment means a lot.
- To Wesly, for immediately responding with offers of Haitian rhum and Mediterranean food. You get me.
- To Emyli for the behind-the-scenes look at a lot of how this works...and for all the information and for helping me get my super powers back.
- To my friends who trickle in finding out about this because I don't have the bandwidth to get my shit done for our company, manage my million appointments, stay on top of the insurance and payments, educate myself on all of this, AND be in touch, but to those friends who find out and still support me in every way they can.
- To the people who have been emailing and posting on my work accounts, most of whom will never know this blog exists, I have been blown away by the positivity and support.
- To those near and far who I love and who make me feel loved, many of whom will also never read this blog.