Decisions: Tits Away.
I've struggled with the choice about what to share publicly, but the reality is that post-op, that choice will be taken away from me, so here goes. I made this blog and have been public about this in part to make the message easier to get to people who care but also because if the story will be told, I'd rather be the one telling.
If you know me in real life, you know my approach to things is generally data-based and practical. And while I've tried to face this with a lot of humor (because the other choice is to freak out and that really gets me nowhere), I have, from the day of diagnosis, been pretty resolute in what I would choose for the surgery. But before making a final decision, I talked to others who have had cancer, preventative surgery, and all sorts of illnesses, as well as people in my life (and my surgeon to the point where she is probably so tired of me).
I've committed to a bilateral mastectomy.
I remained open to all the information, and listened to whether a lumpectomy would suffice. But the rate of recurrence is, to me, unreasonably high with that option given how much living I still plan to do. And if it did come back, I would need to have a mastectomy. And while the likelihood it would come back soon is low...do I really want to do this again in my 70s? I feel like I am way better suited to handling this surgery now. I talked to my mom about this too and her reply was pretty great: "Listen, no one gets out unscathed. If it's not cancer, it's something else." That may sound grim, but it's pretty practical. In other words, do what you can to be prepared because if this doesn't come back, something else is probably looming later on.
So that led to the question of single or bilateral. If you know me in real life, you know that my breasts are not small. So a single seemed like it would be extremely uncomfortable, and also just look ridiculous. And then I found out I had cancer in both breasts...so that settled that for me.
And finally reconstruction.
My gut reaction from the start was no. But also, I had a hard time envisioning my body without it. It's a personal choice that is very much up to what is right for the person. My surgeon referred me over to the plastic surgery person so I could at least hear him out. And honestly, I loved the plastics guy, and I know nothing about the field, so it was really useful to educate myself here. I've already detailed that visit elsewhere on the blog so I won't rehash all of it but my reconstruction options were either implants or an autologous tissue transplant (where they use my tissue from my belly).
But I opted out.
Honestly, at a different part of my life, I might have chosen differently. While I don't feel the need to justify my choice, I'll say that I'm confident in it and I feel good about it, even if I'm sure I'll have days where I hate it. But a perk is that it doesn't really take anything off the table permanently. I can opt into reconstruction at a later date if I wish, and prosthetics are an option if I feel like I need to fill out a shirt at some point. Still, I am generally a person to make a decision and live without regrets.
So this means that I go into the hospital on June 9, and come home on June 10. Stephen will be here to wait on me and I imagine the first few days home will be a blur. Someone will post here with updates until I am able. I'll probably have a few things to say before then, so pop in if you care.