Which boob wrote this:

I get advice




 I am immensely lucky to have some incredible people around me, supporting me through this bullshiz. Among them are a few friends who have had some enormous health challenges themselves, because let's call it like it is: bodies betray us all the time. I'm not particularly special in this. In fact, in reading the literature, I learned that 12% of women* will get breast cancer in their lifetime in the US.  And think of the myriad ways that things can go wrong in these complex systems we call bodies.

So I started asking for advice from those people in my life. I am starting a compendium. It may grow. And I'll probably do my own list later on of things I learned first hand, but since I'm new enough to this to have not learned a damn thing, I present...

Everything I learned about being sick, from my previously sick, but now healthy, friends, in no particular order 

  • People will say dumb things because they don't know what to say. (I've headed off the "at least you have the good cancer" people by acknowledging it outright...and yes apparently this is something people say. But also I'll give these folks the benefit of the doubt that most probably mean well. I'm awkward at the best of times, so I get how sometimes stupid shit comes out of your mouth.)
  • When you go to the doctor, bring a book. It should be dumb and light and distracting, but engrossing enough to keep you from looking around the waiting room. Because in the waiting room, there will be sick people. And that will fuck with your head. Don't look. Stare at the dumb book.
  • Nominate a person you trust to be the go-to for information (that's Anna, and that's this blog) so everyone knows to just go there and not ask you for updates.
  • If there's pain, take the pain meds. Don't be a hero.
  • Humor is important.
  • Be a ruthless advocate for your own care. Ask questions. Just accept that they are going to hate you for it.
  • Keep a binder for all results. (see above. Hilariously, my section dividers are left over from my time as a biology prof so they are all labeled with hormone names and assay stuff from stuff my lab was doing. I have AVT, Testosterone, CORT, antibodies...)
  • Take notes.
  • "Just expect it to be a shitshow." (good call)
  • Seriously consider all the counseling and support resources at your disposal.
  • "I KNOW YOU AND YOU WON'T WANT TO BUT YOU'LL NEED TO ACCEPT HELP. You can't do it all." (am I that transparent? but sure if someone wants to come clean my house, I'm okay with that)
  • Don't go down rabbit holes. Seriously, WebMD is not your friend. (and yeah, I'm way more likely to go down rabbit holes reading the academic literature but the same probably holds).
  • Have no guilt about protecting your privacy and doing whatever you need to for yourself. None. Share only what you feel comfortable sharing, and don't ever feel obligated to answer people's texts, emails, anything.
  • No hopscotch after surgery.


*most medical research and thus journals refer to people who are assigned as women at birth, and do not at this point include the trans and non-binary communities. I got this stat from Waks and Winer (2019) who cite the National Cancer Institute; these data are very likely based on assigned-at-birth definitions.